Backseat driver’s – we all know one, but how many of us would admit to being one?
You know the one who offers their unsolicited advice or criticism – ready to critique your performance at every turn.
This week, I found myself in the backseat of a friend’s car and was reminded of what it feels like to not be at the helm; unable to control the temperature of the air conditioning, decide which songs to play on the radio and constantly wondering if we had taken the right route.
There is good reason why backseat driver’s get a bad reputation. At best, their not-so-subtle commentary can be irritating, at worst they become a control-freak. Often as a result of feeling anxious or unsafe, not having trust, respect or clear communication – the behaviour manifests itself in many ways.
But there are also times when being in the backseat is exactly where you need to be. Take a drive on any highway and you will eventually come across a sign telling you to take a break. When fatigue sets in, your focus wavers and your ability to stay safely in control of your vehicle is greatly affected. Research suggests driving tired can be as dangerous as drink-driving and that worldwide, between 10% and 20% of all road crashes are fatigue-related.
And if you are wondering why I am telling you this, then let me paint a picture of a scenario that recently landed in my inbox.
My ride in the back was a short 35 minutes. If we took a slightly longer route, then no big deal. But when the stakes are higher and it’s a decision that could change the entire course of your life and those around you, then it is a BIG deal.
“Dear Franco,
My family business is in its second generation. It’s doing well, but my father is getting on a bit. His memory is letting him down, he’s making mistakes and his decisions are questionable. I’m really worried that he could send the business in the wrong direction. Every time I go to speak to him about it, he just changes the subject or gets defensive. I really think it’s time for him to admit that he needs to step down, but not everyone agrees with me. Some of the other family members think I should give him a break, but they are not as involved in the business as much as I am and I just don’t want to see it crash and burn. What do I do?
Thank you in advance, Jack.”
Family-owned businesses account for more than 70 percent of the world’s GDP – yet only two out of three survive to the next generation.
For Jack, he was desperate to not be another statistic. He wanted his family business to continue into the third generation. He was willing, passionate and knowledgeable but he was stuck in the backseat. He was neither trying to be irritating or a control-freak, but he did feel unsafe with his father at the wheel.
Family businesses are much like a microcosm of a family road trip; everyone starts off full of excitement and anticipation for the unknown. But when expectations aren’t met or you hit a roadblock, enthusiasm wanes, complacency sets in and you are left looking for the nearest eject button.
‘Founder Fatigue’ is as real as ‘Driver Fatigue’ and needs to be taken just as seriously. Risking your own life and your family’s is never ever one worth taking. Knowing when to take a break, to change gears or to let someone else continue the journey is one of the most critical and bravest decisions a Founder can make.
So, to answer Jack’s question. What can he do to help his father realise that it might be time for him to hand over the baton?
Humans are complex beings and as the saying goes, “there is more than one way to cook an egg.” For Jack, it might be to change his approach and what he is trying to achieve. Instead of insisting his father must retire completely and pointing out all his weaknesses, perhaps he could create a new role within the business, where he stills feels able to contribute without needing to lead it. Or it could be that Jack needs to take a more direct approach and outline the dangers facing the business if he remains in the driving seat. But it also might be for Jack to realise that he can do everything in his power to show his father the dangers, but he can never force him to accept his help, no matter how he tries to convince him that it’s for the greater good and safety of the two things he loves the most – his family and business.
Whenever I receive a similar email, I always take a panoramic view and look at every family and every individual within the system before I make any suggestions. Every family is unique, and every perspective must be valued and respected. Everyone has their own version of the truth based on their past experiences that can either hinder or help them reach their destination.
But ‘truth’ is the key component. Without truth, there is no trust, and without trust you are heading in one direction – and believe me it’s not the scenic route. Just as I’d hope you’d never knowingly get in a car with someone who was over the limit or banned from driving, I hope you won’t ever avoid having the honest, uncomfortable but vital conversations within your family business. Your family doesn’t need to be a statistic. It doesn’t need to crash and burn, and if you want to get out alive, you CANNOT leave anything to chance.
If you are unsure as to where to begin, which seat to take or which route will deliver you to safety, then you are not alone. The good news is that there is away and it’s not as bumpy as you might think. If you are curious to know more, please do as Jack bravely did and get in touch.